Are you scared of creepy creatures – Yes. That’s why they’re “creepy” and not “loveable”, or “cute”. They scare me.
Are you scared of cockroaches? – The more important question is, “Are they afraid of me?”
Do you get scared in the dark? – No.
What is your favorite day of the week? – Thursday. Because Friday is closer to it than Monday.
Your dream car? – 1953 Corvette
Your dream vacation? – Dead Island, LARP
In your next birth, you would love to be – Me, again.
In your past birth, you must have been – Small, wet, cold, and crying
Your favorite pizza topping is – Cheese. Otherwise you just have a pepperoni sandwich with ketchup.
How many kids do you want to have? – As few as I can get away with. Ever hear of Eric & Lyle Menendez?
Last TV channel you watched – Does Red Tube count?
What are you wearing right now? – A Snuggie
What do you wear at night in bed? – See above, minus the snuggie
Your favorite toy in childhood – A Stick. Legos were nice but, with a big enough stick, you could get all the legos you wanted from the other kids.
How many teeth do you have? – All of ‘em.
Which toothpaste do you use? – That one in the tube, the one with fluoride, you know the one…
Your preferred toilet paper brand – 3M 120grit
If you had one person to take with you on a deserted island, it would be? – Lexi Belle
Your dream celebrity date: Teagan
Do you believe in aliens? Illegal ones? Or “really” illegal ones?
Do you believe in ghosts and such? – I’ve seen Paranormal Activity 3 about 1000 times and it just keeps getting funnier each and every time I see it!
Favorite fruit – Mango. It just sounds like a party waiting to happen
Favorite flower – Roses. Bitches Love Roses
Have you puked at a party? Have I ever NOT?!?!
You would love to get a tattoo done on your – Day Off
Have you pretended to be sick to avoid someone or some meeting? – Just my Parole Officer
Favorite body part in the opposite sex: -- That depends…are we talkin’ Fried or in a light Hollandaise sauce?
Corniest pickup line used by you on someone: “Don’t make me come through your window at 2am tonight”
Corniest pickup line someone used on you: “We have a warrant for your arrest”
Have you ever been caught in an embarrassing situation by your parents? – No. Not unless you are referring to the time they walked in and caught me disassembling the pet turtle I got from the Pet Store.
Your favorite breakfast cereal – Fiber One
Do you have any pets? No. I'm forbidden.
What did you give up for Lent last year? -- Catholicism.
Have you ever been drunk out of your mind? – Only when driving.
Ever been in a car accident? – No. They were all on purpose.
The body part you would love to get pierced: -- My nose.
What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up? – Check the body next to me for a pulse, then clear any DNA evidence from the room.
Do you read newspapers or books in the toilet? -- I tried, but the pages get wet.
Are you in love with someone these days? – Yes. She doesn’t know it yet but she will soon…oh yeah...she'll know soon enough...
Would you date a hottie who is totally dumb? -- Dumb? or just Gullible, with low self-esteem?
Has anyone slapped you on the face? No. I wear a mask to prevent leaving DNA at the scene of err...our date.
What is the color of the underwear you are wearing? – More white than brown.
Which is your favorite underwear brand? – Victoria’s Secret
Your first cell phone was: -- The Pay Phone at the end of the hall in Cell Block B
Do you prefer to text or talk on the phone?: -- I prefer to just breath heavy.
Would you go for a one night stand? That depends on where you take me…
The romantic movie you like most: -- Silence of the Lambs
The action movie you like most: -- Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Original)
Do you believe in heaven and hell? – Yes.
Which is your most memorable trip with friends? – Touring Europe
The magazines you like to read – “Hustler”, for their insightful political analysis, in-depth study of socio-economic factors that affect our daily lives, and their caustic wit when dealing with social issues we face today.
Your first job was – I was the guy who used the pneumatic gun that fired the metal rod into the cow’s head in the slaughterhouse so you could have that Big Mac. Good Times…Good Times…
Did you have a best friend in school? – I had many, and still do. I keep them in large glass Jars in formaldehyde so they don’t rot over the years. We still see each other everytime I go to the storage rental place.
Which email service do you use most? -- AOL
Have you ever walked to save money? -- No, but I've run to save my ass a bunch of times.
Where do you shop for clothes? – I usually pick through my vic...err...yeah, I shop at a store.
What was your pocket money as a kid? – A Dollar
Can you talk to someone for long hours on the phone? – I have COMCAST. Of Course!
Do you like taking stupid surveys like these? – No.
One memory you wish you could erase – Seeing daddy kill mommy.
Any sport, you are really good at – Waterboarding. Not wakeboarding...they're two different things entirely. I'm currently sponsored too! By Haliburton, no less.
In your wallet, you keep a photo of – The picture of the people that came with the wallet.
Do you take any medicine daily? – Yes. Court ordered
Have you ever lied about your age? – Age? No. Alibi? Yes.
The last person you kissed was – Your mother
The last country you visited – Tennessee
Do you need music while you are studying? – I don’t study
A song you loved as a kid – The Wall
Any kiddie song you still remember – Wasn’t “The Wall” a kiddie song? WTF?!
Qualities you hate in others – Honesty, Integrity, etc…
On a scale of one to ten how dumb is this survey? 11
Do you brush twice a day? – Pubes or regular hair? Because I have dreadlocks and I ain't sayin' where!
How much time do you take to get ready in the morning? – I’m ALWAYS ready wink, wink, nudge nudge.
Are you a day person or a night person? – I’m more 11:30-ish
Your favorite cartoon character – Calvin
Have you made a complete fool of yourself anytime? Never. Ever.
Any word or sentence you repeat often – See this knife, ho?! Now turn around!
Describe your computer monitor – It’s rectangular and has text on it.
One book you are dying to read – Club International Vol 78 There's an especially biting commentary on the effect of inflation on the free market economy
One movie you are dying to see – Action Sports Sex 7 I hear David Hasselhoff has an uncredited scene
Legit Reviews does get a lot of spammers so I hope that you are not one of them. Anyway, hope you enjoy Legit Reviews! Edit: I find you quite funny in a good way. 
