Best joke I read in a long time.

Bio-Hazard · Post by **Bio-Hazard** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 11:18 am

OK, THIS IS AN "OLDIE" BUT A GOODIE..........

This is for all of you computer techie folks out there! Enjoy!

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
Ed

REPLY:
Dear Ed:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony -Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with many support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Post by **Apoptosis** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 1:33 pm

$\:D/$ That is too funny! I plan on keeping girlfriends 7.1 installed and running for the near future. If I plan on updating to a wife 1.0 please

me and remind me why not to upgrade!

bliSSter · Post by **bliSSter** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 1:36 pm

ROFL - it's been too long since i'd seen that...great laugh - again...just never gets old

- bliSS

-mogwai · Post by **-mogwai** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 2:35 pm

haha that's hilarious

i'm currently running single v1.7..... i'm trying to save up enough money and modify my case enough so that it'd be good enough for girlfriend 2.0. i did have girlfriend 1.0 for a few years, but the system crashed and never booted back up. somehow, it caused a surge throughout my motherboard and killed everything inside my case. after a couple years of rebuilding, i have a shabby case, but everything inside is optimal/top of the line. hopefully, whenever i modify my case and have enough money to handle girlfriend 2.0, i wont run into the same kinds of issues as the guy in the original post.

Bio-Hazard · Post by **Bio-Hazard** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 5:02 pm

Well, to be honest, I've ugraded my OS to the latest and hopefully last Wife 3.0. If this system ever crashes, I think I just give up and become a munk.........................

It just costs way too damn much to upgrade every few years................

Post by **FZ1** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 5:39 pm

OK, you guys really need to get out more

OK, so the cavalry and the Indians are fighting and the calvalry slaughters the Indians except for the Chief. The General says "You fought bravely and your people are dead, I'm going to let you go free."

No sooner were the words spoken, a slew of Indians come rushing over the hillside and kill all of the cavalry with the exception of the General. The Chief says " I cannot let you live and still save face with my people. However, before we kill you, I'll grant you 3 requests."

The General thinks a minute and says "I'd like to see my horse for my first request."

The horse is led over and the General whispers in it's ear. The horse takes off and comes back fifteen minutes later with a beautiful blonde on the back. The Chief offers his teepee to the General and him and the girl go in for about twenty minutes. When he comes out, he asks to see his horse again for his second request. Again, The horse takes off and comes back fifteen minutes later but this time with a beautiful brunette on the back. The Chief again offers his teepee to the General and they go about their business again for about twenty minutes.

When he comes out the Chief says "This is your last request, white man. Use it wisely."

The General responds "I'd like to see my horse one last time."

This time, he grabs the horse by the lip and says in a stern voice "Listen closely you idiot...I said posse!"

-mogwai · Post by **-mogwai** » Fri Jun 24, 2005 9:46 pm

you just killed a great thread. wtg.

Post by **FZ1** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 9:19 am

Tough crowd

gvblake22 · Post by **gvblake22** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 12:45 pm

Yeah, Girlfriend 7.0 is where it's at, no need to upgrade

Great joke though.
Here's another funny one:

BiG Kahuna · Post by **BiG Kahuna** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 4:01 pm

lol! I've never read it before

the girls=evil is a nice one too

Amy · Post by **Amy** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 6:18 pm

Hrm...

Do you all know why God made Man before Woman??

Do you??

Because you ALWAYS make the rough copy before the perfect.

-mogwai · Post by **-mogwai** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 6:39 pm

biologically, women are a more efficient creation than men.

Bio-Hazard · Post by **Bio-Hazard** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 11:20 pm

Amy wrote:Hrm...

Do you all know why God made Man before Woman??

Do you??

Because you ALWAYS make the rough copy before the perfect.

I think that God made woman as a second thought so that men had something that they could complain about.......

Amy · Post by **Amy** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 12:32 pm

audiophile wrote:biologically, women are a more efficient creation than men.

Thank you

**EDITED To KEEP ON TOPIC**

-mogwai · Post by **-mogwai** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:34 pm

Amy wrote:
audiophile wrote:biologically, women are a more efficient creation than men.
Thank you

it's the truth. think about it:

* they're less prone to hereditary and genetic diseases because they have an extra x chromosome

* they have less brain cells, but use more of them than men

* they have more nerve endings in their genitalia than men, even though it's much smaller

* they have more hormones and neurotransmitters

* they can give birth

* they have better logic skills than men

* girls mature faster than boys

* their neurons have satellite nucleoli

* they have the ability to physically attract men more than men can physically attract women

* they have significantly better orgasms

* their bodies are equiped to tolerate pain better than a man's

yadda yadda yadda.... so, go tell your mom/girlfriend/wife/granny/whatever that you love her

Amy · Post by **Amy** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 6:43 am

Wow...I never thought about all that (except for the pain one). You're making my head swell $\:D/$

-mogwai · Post by **-mogwai** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 1:00 pm

Amy wrote:Wow...I never thought about all that

you're conditioned not to... but that's a whole other thread

bubba · Post by **bubba** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 2:54 pm

audiophile wrote:
* they have better logic skills than men

I can think of a couple females that this does not apply to, one in particular, she has no logic skills.

-mogwai · Post by **-mogwai** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 3:55 pm

i'm speaking in general terms. studies have shown that women do better than men on logic and problem solving tests.

Bio-Hazard · Post by **Bio-Hazard** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 8:13 am

audiophile wrote:i'm speaking in general terms. studies have shown that women do better than men on logic and problem solving tests.

I'm sure glad that you said in general terms, because these young ladies seem to be having a problem figuring out just what to do with a CD.