How Men And Women Change Oil

[Apoptosis]

WOMEN:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent:
$20.00 Oil Change
$1.00 Coffee
----------------
$21.00 Total

MEN:

1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left breast.
32. Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car.
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail. Get car from impound yard.

Total Time Spent ???
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
---------------------------
$1337 Total

[ibleet]

LMAO

[vicaphit]

Step 11 always gets me...it is either dropping the damn plug in the oil, or getting hot oil all over your hands. You can't avoid both.

[Alathald]

Haha, but at least you have the knowledge of knowing it was done the right way

[ibleet]

I heard 2 complaints about Walmart concerning Oil Change service...

1 - They broke off my brother-in-law's oil temperature fitting.
2 - They left the new oil filter leaking on my sons Honda.

The good news was they fixed them both.

[skier]

9=never
11= every time
15=never
24-26=not usually
38=not yet
41-43=only test drive is way home for garage, and never pulled over

parts bill looks high, but my dad buys it so i dont really know

other than that its pretty acccurate, when will you stop Nate

[Topher]

Dude! What woman do you know that actually gets their oil changed every 3000 miles?
Everyone I've ever met would drive the vehicle into the dirt until the oil is about as thick as molasses and black as pitch.

[Apoptosis]

9=never
11= every time
15=never
24-26=not usually
38=not yet
41-43=only test drive is way home for garage, and never pulled over

parts bill looks high, but my dad buys it so i dont really know

other than that its pretty acccurate, when will you stop Nate

You haven't done 15... I've done that 4-5 times... Once because I couldn't find my oil filter wrench the other times because it would fit and I was in a rush.

[skier]

well at my garage, we got like three different sized filter wrenches, and the place is pretty organized most of the time, the only time i've seen #15 done was when my brother had to change the oil in his Bronco, and it had a 390 instead of a 351ci, so a wrench would'nt even fit(but now he has an oil filter relocator, so changin it's easy(the filter is now by the steering box i believe))

edit - we have two large semi-adjustablefilter wrenches(for trucks mostly), and two smaller fixed size ones(for most cars)

[vicaphit]

we buy those gripped oil filters that allow hand loosening. I did have to do 15 once though.

[KnightRid]

isnt 1337 in really geekified circles LEET?



Mike

[Darkstar]

Dude! What woman do you know that actually gets their oil changed every 3000 miles?
Everyone I've ever met would drive the vehicle into the dirt until the oil is about as thick as molasses and black as pitch.

My wife does.....
and i cant remember the last time i changed the oil in my Truck, have to pick up some parts and beer and do it this weekend

[dgood]

what sucks the most is my honda accord 92. the filter is sitting horizontal up somewhere in the middle of the engine. so if I unscrew it by hand which I usually can it's hot oil all down my arm every time. what about over tightening the oil pan screw? I've done that a couple times meaning needed replacement of the screw next time around as you end up cross threading it to get it off.

[snowking03]

Let's see, I've definitely forgotten to put the bolt back in after draining lol.

I've never drank that much while changing though, a few brews at most.

[vicaphit]

I had a '90 accord, and had the same problem, the oil would also drip all over the exhaust and smell terrible. Atleast the filter was up there high enough to really get some leverage while loosening/tightening

[moon111]

Where I work, there was a co-workers who called someone over because he couldn't get his oil filter off. Buddy goes over and checks it out. It was a slant 6 225cubic inch Mopar. He had hammered a screwdriver through the filter... and into his distributer.

Never dump oil in a hole. Instead take empty milk cartons, roll up old newspapers in them, fill with old oil, let soak. Next time you're trying to start a fire... she'll light up right away!

One of the first steps I do... rub my hands with dish soap. The soap gets into all the cracks in your skin, then when it's time to clean up... it's quick and easy.

[pcrobot]

I actually LOLed... nice Apop!

isnt 1337 in really geekified circles LEET?



Mike

Yeah...

[vicaphit]

we have an old gas can that we fill up with oil for every oil change, then we take it to the nearest oil change place and they allow us to dump it for free... much better than burning the old oil.

[skier]

we have an old gas can that we fill up with oil for every oil change, then we take it to the nearest oil change place and they allow us to dump it for free... much better than burning the old oil.

same here, but we use 5Gal buckets with the fixed covers, and fill like 2, then bring em....wherever my dad does

[kappage]

Well i was given my car from my brother for free, i went and changed the oil the car takes about 4 Litres of oil my brother had atleast 6.5Litres of oil!!!!