Understanding Engineers

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Apoptosis
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Understanding Engineers

Post by Apoptosis » Mon Apr 24, 2006 1:40 pm

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said,

"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed
in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said,
"Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good
idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's
anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually
it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste
pipeline through a recreational area ?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

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Post by bubba » Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:12 pm

hey I'm an engineer :)

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Post by goose » Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:17 pm

Man, those are all great! I am sending to my father in law, he's an engineer and will love them!
Goose Out

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Post by Dragon_Cooler » Tue Apr 25, 2006 8:14 am

i am trying to be one.


this is great thanks!!!!
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Post by FZ1 » Tue Apr 25, 2006 8:31 am

Those are good!
Joe

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Post by bubba » Tue Apr 25, 2006 8:51 am

Dragon_Cooler wrote:i am trying to be one.
What kind? civil/mech/elec ??

Immortal

Post by Immortal » Tue Apr 25, 2006 9:40 am

chemical!!! :) even thought it doesnt count! :p

Great Apop... brought a smile to my face! :D

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Post by Dragon_Cooler » Tue Apr 25, 2006 12:14 pm

bubba wrote:
Dragon_Cooler wrote:i am trying to be one.
What kind? civil/mech/elec ??

electrical. however i was intrigued by industrial engineering.


I dont know if i am going to make either, i suck at math... hardcore!!
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Post by bubba » Tue Apr 25, 2006 1:36 pm

electrical and you suck at math :lol: doesn't seem to go together..

I don't have the sheep skin, I got an on the job degree. Machines are mainly what I work with. Hydraulics and steel.

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Re: Understanding Engineers

Post by Digital Puppy » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:47 pm

Apoptosis wrote:Understanding Engineers
Nice one!
Just a little puppy trying to make it in a big digital world.

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Post by Amy » Wed Apr 26, 2006 6:23 am

my signature on another forum is "the glass is just plain ol' too tall."

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Post by Amy » Wed Apr 26, 2006 6:24 am

oh . . . wait . . . that's this forum LOL :mrgreen:

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Post by Apoptosis » Wed Apr 26, 2006 8:53 am

oh geez Amy had a brain fart...lol

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Post by Topher » Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:10 am

Personally, I like the following statement:

If the glass was full to begin with and you poured half of it out, then the glass is half empty.
If it was empty to begin with and you filled it half way, then the glass is half full.

:drinkers:

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