UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - Jokes

[Apoptosis]

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on
this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes
and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for
a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been
waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I' ve never seen such
ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have
a word with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment, then the pastor said, "That's
so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?

Answer: Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers
build targets.


UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it
work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?


UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SIX
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the
joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections.

The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVEN

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE EIGHT

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beau tiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm
a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for
a girlfriend, but a talking frog, that's cool."

[DMB2000uk]

I think I should be an engineer, These all make sense to me

Dan

[dgood]

I think there were some good jokes in there. I am an engineering major though.

[skier]

-future computer engineer here(hopefully )- they're all really good , except #five-that one i just dont get

-love the even numbered ones -and 7

(edit) - ok (looked a little closer) now i get 5, niiice, foolish artists. lol

[Sporg]

Nice list I think #4 is my favorite

[pcrobot]

Those are all pretty funny, but I think that number 2 is my favorite!

[martini161]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qDSvfpaGiI
the other day, somebody asked me what the difference between a mathematician and an engineer was, being an engineer, i told him the following:
Say theres a bunch of mathematicians and a bunch of engineers on the shore of a lake. on the island in the middle of the lake, there is a beautiful women, and she will be marry whoever gets to the island first. the only way to get there is to jump from platform to platform across the lake to the middle. after each jump, the next jump is half as far. when told this, all the engineers start jumping to get to the middle of the lake. all the mathematicians say,"what are you doing? if every jump is half as long as the one before it, then your never going to get there! it will go on forever!" the engineers reply, "You only have to get so close!"

[girdhar]

are you an engineer ?
funny jokes man .nice collection.